Okay…this is my second stab at an “APED” challenge. For this piece, we were asked to use at least three of ten chosen words. The selected words were: Kiss, Death, Sun, Garden, Begging, Remains, Nothing, Doll, Walk and Ever. So I used all ten. No word limit this time. Warning: Not a happy poem. In my defence, words such as “death” and “begging” didn’t really naturally sway me towards a happy, happy, joy, joy poem. 😉 Hopefully some of you like it anyway.
- Plain Speaking (Nothing Remains)
I walk among you invisibly,
the face that passes
which you barely see.
Not uniquely ugly
yet too ugly to kiss.
If I disappeared,
a face no one would miss.
If I were a pretty doll,
would I capture your stare?
Would my words mean more,
would you notice I’m there?
Eyes which look through me
each a miniature death.
Ever looking for hope,
is there any hope left?
I walk through your garden
illuminated by the sun,
yet depart unnoticed,
the most unloved one.
Begging to be seen
yet too shy to say,
so nothing remains
when I fade away.
Copyright © 2015 Philip Craddock. All rights reserved.
Maudlin, yes… But I really feel this piece.. Great job!
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Thank you. 🙂 Maybe next time the selected words will be “candyfloss”, “kittens” and “rainbows”, then I’ll try to write something happy for you. 😉
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I suggest ‘fluffy’, ‘pink’ and ‘clouds’ too!!! 😂
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Haha! 😀 Like it. In fact…why not? I’ll try writing it for you. 🙂 Would you actually like it to be a happy one or would you prefer me to write you a poem featuring candyfloss, kittens, rainbows, fluffy, pink and clouds which is actually an unhappy one? Either way’s cool by me.
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Oh give it the maudlin spin!!!! Lol!!!!
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Will do. 🙂 Got an idea already. I’ll try writing it for you tomorrow. Or later tonight if I can’t sleep again.
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There is always hope left. Isn’t there? 😦
Love the way you have used all the words, not forced at all… Kudos 🙂
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I’m a big believer in hope but equally know it’s easier for some to find than it is for others. Known people who wrestled with depression and madness and wrestled with my own demons in the past. If you asked those people that question (or me when I went through the worst of it), it would be harder for them to say “Yes, there’s always hope”. But yes, there’s hope. Some may just need a bit more time and help with finding it than others. Anyway, pleased you like the poem. Thanks for your feedback. 🙂
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Wow what a beautifully composed poem !
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Thank you. 🙂 Means a lot. There’s a lot more poems where that came from. Hope you’ll check them out someday.
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It is more than just plainly speaking Wonderfully penned Philip. You used all the 10 words. Great!
Hank
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Thank you. 🙂 This poem came quite easily to me and each word fit quite naturally. Pleased you like it.
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That went smoothly. It felt quite true to life, the feeling of being invisible when we try to be seen, and leave nothing because of that feeling. Though it makes me wonder if that makes life dark. Thought-provoking indeed. Well written.
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Thanks again. 🙂 Look forward to trying another prompt.
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Great take. 🙂 My link is here: https://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2015/06/17/aped-prompt-17-my-visitor/
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Thanks. 🙂 Will check it out now.
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i could feel your writing while reading it! and loved the way you incorporated all the words. cheers! 🙂
http://a-blob-of-ink.blogspot.in/2015/06/victory.html
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Thank you. 🙂 Will check out yours now.
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Really nice job!
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Thank you. 🙂 Is yours up yet? Working right now but will check it out later if it is.
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Finally posted it now. Originally had all ten words but it didn’t work well. Had to tell my perfectionist self to shut up and allow nine 🙂
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Sounds like it’s for the best. I wouldn’t have used all 10 if I wasn’t able to naturally fit them into the story that I wanted to tell anyway. Finishing work at midnight, so your piece will be my bedtime story tonight. 🙂
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Sad–and true for so many.
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Unfortunately. I’ve had my share of invisible years. Still, it’s nice when somebody comes along who won’t let you remain invisible – no matter how hard you may try to hide. Thank you for reading my poem anyway. 🙂
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I’m well acquainted with the “invisible” status, and no longer waiting for anyone to come along. See you next time.
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This is really beautiful… I completely relate to this poem in every way… I love how it speaks of being so plain that ‘nothing remains’ when you fade away. You feel like you don’t stand out against anybody, you’re ‘not uniquely ugly, yet too ugly to kiss’, and so no one really gives you a second look, and no one will notice you when you’re gone. Even if you were ugly, you were a memorable person. I love it.
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Thank you for your feedback and for reblogging this piece. Pleased that someone else could relate to it.
Thankfully feel a bit less invisible nowadays. It can’t rain all the time.
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Reblogged this on voidofsoul and commented:
This is really beautiful… I completely relate to this poem in every way… I love how it speaks of being so plain that ‘nothing remains’ when you fade away. You feel like you don’t stand out against anybody, you’re ‘not uniquely ugly, yet too ugly to kiss’, and so no one really gives you a second look, and no one will notice you when you’re gone. Even if you were ugly, you were a memorable person. I love it.
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