APED #18 – Carry Me Home

Another APED challenge. This time we were given an image as our inspiration:

ship

Image Source: Ship Mary L. Cushing by William G. Yorke (via Wikimedia Commons)

With the poem below, I tried to write the line to give the impression of the waves instead of them being a fixed length. I also used two distinct voices and tried to illustrate the voices further by one voice being in italics. If I can work out how, I may also align one of the voices to the right and keep the other on the left. We’ll see. Not as satisfied with this one as my other APED challenge pieces but that could be the tiredness talking. Either way, too tired to fix it/fix what isn’t broken. Hmm…may do some edits to it on my day off.

The story is partly my own creation but also draws from both a Greek myth that I read and Romeo & Juliet.

    Carry Me Home

Come, carry me! Come, carry me!
My heart she awaits across the sea.
I battled battalions upon the waves,
sent lesser men down to watery graves,
now time has come to return to thee,
so set sail me lads & set me free!

I wait for him upon sad shore!
Waited for five years, will wait more!
Did he wait also or just find someone new?
As time ticked on, this fear only grew.
Lonesome I weep tears of bitter salt,
if loves me not, my life will halt.

Come, carry me! Come, carry me!
I fought hard for Queen & Country,
carried contraband & sold some slaves,
I lost a part of myself upon cruel waves.
Yet my duty is done & hope I now see,
I set sail to travel from “I” to “we”.

I wait for him upon sad shore!
My fears they shake unto my core!
Said: “If you still love, fly a red flag!”
Did he forget me for some salty slag?
A blue ocean of tears for him I cry,
if he loves me not then I’ll die.

Come, carry me! Come, carry me!
See home on horizon, sail quickly!
My heart it missed her an awful lot!
Yet I feel that there is something I forgot.
Ah well, guess what will be will be!
My heart awaits, come carry me!

I scream in agony on sad shore!
His flag is black – he loves no more!
All fears realised; all sinister shocks,
I climb cliff now to die on the rocks.
My heart it is dead and so I follow,
fall to rocks & salt sea of sorrow.

“No, I am here!” I tried to call!
I watched helpless as my love did fall,
Oh, such misery! Such sorrow! I’m undone!
Since she is dead, there is no more sun.
Flag forgotten, a cruel fate I made.
I pierce my heart with my blade.

Carry me, cold carrion.
I return to her to carry on.

Copyright © 2015 Philip Craddock. All rights reserved.

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13 thoughts on “APED #18 – Carry Me Home

  1. Very nice job. It really is strong writing and choosing to speak in two voices just makes your words all the more powerful. And all that from a little boat. What else do you have up your sleeves?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. 🙂 I really wasn’t sure about it…but then again, not so long ago before setting up this site I didn’t like any of my writing and routinely binned it before showing it to anybody. A friend of mine recently showed me the error of my ways.

      Guess I’m still not the best person to judge my own writing. 😉 Were there any lines that didn’t work for you or would you advise to leave it just as it is? Look forward to reading what you come up with for this one.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. For me . . . And this is not true for everyone but I really hate forced rhyme in a poem. I will write and rewrite entire parts of the poem of it forest say exactly what I mean and the rhyme works. If I had any suggestion – and I said I am a bit picky – I would find another way to write:

    My heart it is & dead so I follow,
    dash myself on the ground below.

    I think that if you looked up rhymes for follow you would find below but as it is written in the stanza – emphasis on those words are different. When I read it, I stumble on the rhyme if that makes sense.

    It’s really no big deal though and everything else is excellent.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You will have to excuse – I often use my phone to send comments and autocorrect is just ridiculous! I said I will write and rewrite if it fails to say exactly what I mean.

      What can I say? Fat fingers and smart phones are not a good mix.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks for your feedback. That was one of the two main areas which I wasn’t 100% on myself – will try to rework it tomorrow. May end up shifting the “sorrow” from the next stanza up to accompany the “follow” (still a half-rhyme technically but slightly smoother) or use “hollow”. We’ll see. Anyway, thanks again.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was surprised to look up follow and hollow in a rhyming dictionary. I was just stating how I heard the poem. They don’t list them as rhyming words strangely enough.

        Like

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