Hello again, my lovely followers. Those of you who read the last article will already know that due to my hours being dramatically cut, I’ve now started writing in a freelance capacity as a means of boosting my income (see https://philipcraddockwriter.wordpress.com/2017/04/14/authors-note-now-for-hire-accepting-donations/). I’m in a pretty desperate situation, as I have a disabled fiancee and a daughter to consider, which means that any extra work I go for has to be a work from home role.
Well, whilst I’m yet to secure a regular part time work from home job to go alongside my now part time games industry role, I have at least recently been paid for completing two very different writing pieces – both which received 5* reviews from my clients.
The first piece I was paid for was an erotic novella in a weird niche genre. That piece I’m not planning on publishing on my site (it will be uploaded to the internet by the client but under a pseudonym rather than under my name). Writing it was both an interesting and an odd experience. Perhaps it’s appropriate that an erotic novella was how I popped my cherry in terms of being paid for writing. 😉
The second piece I was paid for I can share on my website. A nice couple commissioned me to write a funny rhyme which will be read out at their wedding ceremony. They wanted it to be called “The Clumsysaurus & the Grumplepuss”. For this piece, I asked for lots of information about the couple and incorporated those snippets of info into the rhyme. I also prepared two versions for them (they chose version 2 to be the one they’ll use at their wedding). I thought some of you may enjoy reading versions 1 and 2 (and the couple gave me permission to share them), so here they are:
They warned beware the Grumplepuss, who lived in a deep, dark hole.
They whispered that he was part man, part moggy, part moody mole.
Above they titter-tattled, trembled at belching beast beneath.
“He burps out fire, flosses with wire and has great big pointy teeth!”
And all alone he sat there, grumbling grumpily to himself.
Dreaming daily of dating but left longing on dusty shelf.
Run! It’s the Clumsysaurus – with her bungling, bumping ballet!
She’ll stamp feet flat and squash your cat in a most melodramatic way!
Look at her mildew tutu – a yuck-yellow when it ought to be white!
Here now, hear her singing: “It will all be alright on the night!”
“Be careful, Clumsysaurus! Dancing dangerously close to his pit!”
Too late came cry, we waved goodbye as fell flailing the tumbling twit.
He sadly sat sighing “So lonely!” in his grouchy, Grumplepuss grump.
She fell from the heavens before him, landed loudly on her round rump.
She cried out “Ouch!” and also “Aargh! Oh bother, what a to-do!
I was meant to dance in the ballet. Instead can I dance here for you?”
Her dance was wildly wonderful, the twists turned out never as planned.
When she fell flat before him, he’d help her rise with kiss on her hand.
“Forevermore they’ll stay that way”, whisper wise women above.
“He looks a lot less grumpy – grins like a Cheshire cat in love.”
Wander wild with the Grumplepuss, over baking beach and shivering snow!
Hear him hollering fun fantastic facts; there’s not nothing that he don’t know!
His footsteps are fuelled by big belly, burst bubbling with wine and cheese.
He gives of himself generously generally, you’ll find he’s most eager to please.
Yet woe betide should you cross him as he’s rereading his most treasured page.
He may yet forget just how nice he is and instead incline towards rage!
Come clamouring calamitously with Clumsysaurus; delight in her daily dance!
Her skin is almost as brown as the chocolate she consumes if given a chance!
Her fond friendships filed in a spreadsheet, organised orderly from A to Zed.
Some say she may be the most popular but she won’t let it go to her head.
But beware there may yet be bruising, if stumbling she slips slides to you.
It may be the gin in her tonic or just that clumsy’s what Clumysaurs do.
Today they’re tied together, she’s wearing wonderful white wedding dress.
To pick pretty clear colour was daring – three, two, one – oh, what a mess!
Her cheeriness is most infectious; even Grumplepuss grins ear to ear.
You can see how dearly she loves him; he loves her too it’s most clear!
Soon they’ll both be off on adventures, but first let us raise up a glass!
Cheers to Clumsysaurus & Grumplepuss: to us you’re simply first class!
I feel honoured to know that something I wrote is going to be a part of someone’s wedding. I hope that some of you enjoyed reading these poems & also learning about my first experiences of being paid to write. You can find both 5* reviews on my freelancer.com profile here:
If any of you would like to commission me to write for you too, please do get in touch. I’d also greatly appreciate hearing about any legitimate work from home positions. Thanks again.