Neurodivergent Island

Ever since I was a boy
I’ve been told I’m wrong
singing out of key some
too different song.
Try to fit me in
but before too long
I’ll fuck it up around you.

Got me overthinking
every single step I take.
Straighten up that back
until you hear it break.
People don’t want
to know you’re fake.
Lie normal a little harder.

Got me spacing out
every single word I say.
But those that hear
won’t understand any way.
Try to think things to
make it different today
but old enough to know better.

Maybe if I’m silent they
won’t know I’m here?
Silence scares them too,
so should I disappear?
Can’t stand to be alone,
because then I’ll hear
them taunting once again.

Got this tunnel vision
to fuck up one at a time.
My million mistakes may
as well form a line.
Got to be an answer at
the bottom of this wine
or a way to drown it out?

Maybe it’ll be better
if I laugh at myself first?
Heard them all before
as you do your worst.
Maybe I’m not different,
just “abnormally cursed”?
So should I spell it
out now for you?

So she’d got me saying sorry
for the touch of her fist.
Must of been my fault for
something “simple” missed.
Knew I should go but
who else’d want “this?”
So lied a little longer.

Finally free from her,
only took twelve years.
Maybe I’ll do better
if I hide those tears?
Maybe love may still
overcome my fears
as trauma takes a toll.

Drown me in my sleep.
Too many rules to keep.
Flail in waters deep.
Castaway at sea,
is there a place for me,
on Neurodivergent Island?

8 thoughts on “Neurodivergent Island

  1. This is very touching I always enjoy reading any and everything from Phillip. I first got to experience your writing on moments app Of lover’s past is still one of the best books I’ve ever read and George is still one of my favorite characters. I love to read anything you post so thank you for this poem and I hope everything is ok with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your feedback on this and Of Lovers Past. I’m okay, thanks. Cheers for asking anyway.

      Generally I’m pretty happy actually – just had a day of feeling frustrated with my condition(s) (dyspraxia and fair likelihood of undiagnosed ADHD) when I wrote this. It happens. Have you read any of the visual novels I wrote for other apps such as The Score (male protagonists but you may still enjoy “It’s You, It’s Me Again”), Candy (LGBT stories – I recommend “Goddess of Passion”) or Amour (female protagonists – see “Love on Sale – Sold”)? I hope you like some of them. Two more of my visual novels will also be released on other apps in the next month or two. Will post something here when they’re out.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I loved this expressive poem. Good imagery of neurodivergent island! I can definitely relate to the island idea, I’ve been isolated for most of my life, I think I live there.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for your feedback and for following me. It’s a tricky one. You can act normal to try & fit in, but it is an act & then come the thoughts “They wouldn’t like me if they knew the real me.”

      I’m glad I have my wife Phoebe. She’s the one person who I feel I get to be fully myself around.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Philip, I’m glad to hear that you have a loving supportive wife. Phoebe sounds like a wonderful person. And you’re right, it’s tricky, well said.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s